Jan/9- my devotions always turn out too long but I had such a shocking realization and revelation about/towards the message. When I was much younger, my Grandfather unfortunately passed away, and in grief I looked to him for guidance and inspiration a lot after his passing. One strange thing about this relationship I looked for in him, was how during prayer I felt so close to him, but so far away from God. I felt almost betrayed in a way because I felt like he was taken away from me way too early and now all that I have are the memories I keep of him. I realize that through this quote in the passage “so much of what is passed as passes as prayer is really just inner dialogue… but really prayer is of another order of magnitude” I resonated so much with this, because of how much I struggled with trusting in Jesus enough to plead to be closer with him, instead of going against his word for the loss I felt in grief of a family member. I wanted to share this journal because I feel like this realization gives me such peace of mind about the struggle I felt to feel closer to God, and I wish that I knew what my form of prayer really was when I was younger.
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